Have you heard of inner child work? Would you really like to move past all your unconscious blocks that are sabotaging you to really exceed in life?
What is your inner child?
Simply, our inner child is all the traits, beliefs and behaviours that we still have with us from childhood. We may think that we don’t have anything left over from our childhood, but it may surprise you just how much our childhood effects us.
When we are children, we soak up everything that happens and we learn how the world and people operate by watching and listening. We don’t know what is right from wrong, or what we should be or could be doing, we just see, hear and experience and that forms our world. We do not know any differently or have the ability to challenge adults. Also we don’t have the power to challenge so therefore we are at the consequence of adults choices for us, whether we like it or not.
Why heal our inner child
When we don’t like what is happening to us we don’t know how to articulate that not happy feeling. To speak out can be detrimental to our survival so we are purposely wired to be accepting of our circumstances.
Only these beliefs, and ideas of the way of the world get pushed back into our unconscious and form the foundations of our being.
As we develop into an adult we are left with thoughts, feelings that lead us to behaviours that no longer serve us, only we don’t know why we are doing them. What’s worse is that our feelings and unwanted thoughts can be triggered by people, everyday events and we behave in a way that is not helpful, but we don’t know why or how to stop.
Doing the inner child work
I had a client, who thought she had an ok childhood. Only like most of us, she didn’t have any choice in the schools she went to, she could not control her teachers, how her parents treated her. Her mother was very particular in what she ate, her dad was a perfectionist and demanded a lot from her and this got her turning to food to escape and to rebel against them. As an adult she has continued on with this eating pattern and has tried every diet going but does not know how to stop. We went back and visited her as a child in her imagination and she started to form a relationship with this child and started what is known as reparenting. She would give her inner child the parenting she wished she had. Over time she stopped her disordered eating became normal healthy eating and she lost a lot of her anxiety and stress along the way.
Inner child work is continual work. So here are some daily habits that you can do to continue to build your relationship with yourself and improve your life.
1. Congratulate yourself
After you have completed tasks, congratulate yourself. It feels good to be congratulated. Children not told well done enough, which is lacking that positive reinforcement. When we are given positive reinforcement, it encourages us to do more and by doing more we gain more confidence within ourselves. No matter how small the task, give yourself a well done for doing something.
2. Tell yourself, you love you.
Do we hear those words enough? It feels amazing knowing someone loves us and to be loved. We have to love ourselves first before expecting others to love us. Just say it in your head and even if you don’t feel it, just say it. Over time, you will start noticing where you feel more positive about yourself.
3. Do an act of love
Give yourself a hug, give a gift, of time, relax, words of reassurance, all the time you are reinforcing your love for yourself, telling yourself you are worth it. Treat yourself as if you are the most treasured person on the planet. It does not mean spending lots of money on yourself. It means honoring and treasuring yourself.
4. Thank yourself
For the things that you are doing to make your life easier and better. Every thing, like food shopping, cooking, washing, brushing your teeth. When we hear a thank you, it feels good. We feel appreciated. When we feel appreciated we do more for that person and we look after that person even better.
As a child we had dreams of what wanted we to be, or how life would be. As adults that gets squashed and the drudgery of life comes in. We start analysing how we can make it happen. When we don’t hit goals it can become a thing to beat ourselves up about it. We soon forget to dream and live becomes about hitting targets or making enough money to pay the bills. If we let go and dream it becomes fun. So what if our dreams don’t come true. It’s about living this fantasy that is make believe and transports you into a world of make believe. It doesn’t mean we have to spend our lives daydreaming, just allowing it now and then. These tips may seem small and trivial but doing them every day builds this trust and love that will help you move beyond where you are now Try it, let me know what you think.